i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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