i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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