Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
