His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
