How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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