yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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