very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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