Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
