My nipple is on Facebook.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
