you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
