they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
