What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
