Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
