Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
should my penis look like a turkey
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
