Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
