broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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