i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
