batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
well, you know. whores of a feather.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
