Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
