I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
