so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
