Screwed.edu
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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