is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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