Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
