it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
