I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
