didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
