Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
