need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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