i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
