Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
