Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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