i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
