Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
