I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
