You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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