You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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