I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
