I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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