can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
