My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
