ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
