I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
