She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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