i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
