dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
