someone threw a dead crab at me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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