someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will be naked everywhere
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
