totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
