Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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