I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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